


A Happy Ending for Us

by AnimeLover7



Series: Galavant Songs in Merlin [1]
Category: Galavant (TV), Merlin (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 21:07:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18948676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimeLover7/pseuds/AnimeLover7
Summary: Gwen and Merlin sing A Happy Ending for Us from Galavant while plotting to kill Agravaine.





	A Happy Ending for Us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [onceandfuturewarlock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/onceandfuturewarlock/gifts).



Agravaine and Arthur planned to have dinner with some visiting nobiles.

Merlin and Gwen were sick of Agravaine interfering In everything. Arthur was being completely manipulated and they couldn't take it anymore. Merlin’s friendship with Arthur and Gwen’s romance with him were almost non existence now thanks to Agravaine.

Merlin had the urge to kill Agravaine every time he saw him. He thought about how easily it would be to use his magic and send Agravaine across the room, or maybe light him on fire. There's a thousand ways Agravaine could die. Merlin loved thinking about it. He wanted to kill Agravaine so badly but he wasn't sure how, he didn't want Arthur to know, so he'd have to cover it up well. Merlin isn't usually the type to kill… well unless it was in self defence or he had to save Arthur's life. This could count right? Merlin knew Agravaine was a traitor, though Agravaine hadn't actually gone after Arthur, at least not yet. So would it count as saving Arthur? Merlin decided he didn't care anymore Agravaine was driving him crazy and he just wanted him gone.

Gwen was feeling very similar to Merlin about the whole Agravaine thing. She despised him with all her heart and anyone else with a brain did as well. Unfortunately it seemed Arthur misplaced his, she would have to find it for him later on. What good would a king without a brain do? Gwen came up with a plan, one that was very out of character for her. Agravaine was driving her mad, so she couldn't be bothered to care whether she was out of character or not. She would knock some sense into Arthur any way possible.

She decided to approach Merlin about it… in song.

Gwen: When rich folks war, who dies?  
Merlin: The poor  
Gwen: On that you can depend  
So obviously for you and me  
There's only one way this can end  
Let's see: appetizers, salads... aha!  
Let's spike the soup with some arsenic  
Melin: What?  
Gwen: Just a few droplets like this  
Serve and each blue blood will die as they spew blood  
A happy ending for us  
Merlin: Gosh!

Gwen: How 'bout a pie full of cyanide?  
Can you imagine the fuss?  
Cramps, diarrhea, convulsions  
Merlin: Then see ya!  
Gwen: A happy ending for us  
Picture that great big pool of puke and stool  
A happy ending for us

Melin: I could fry up some heirloom toadstools with a little hemlock vinaigrette  
Gwen: Ooh!  
Merlin: What?  
Gwen: If they survive to the entree…  
Melin: Go on...  
Gwen: Strychnine can be your best friend  
Merlin: Nice!  
Gwen: Poison the meat first, they'll leave the hall feet first  
A perfect fairy tale end  
Merlin: Tra-la-la-la-la!

Gwen: How 'bout a tray of bad shellfish?  
Merlin: Yes!  
Gwen: Ooh! Chicken delicious served rare  
Merlin: A tartare!  
Gwen: Choose any toxin then toss the whole box in  
Voila! They're gasping for air!  
Oh how they'll heave and spurt and for desert do things too gross to discuss  
And they will claw and choke 'til all of them croak  
A lovely ending  
Merlin: A storybook ending  
Both: A happy ending for us

“Wait, I thought we wanted to kill Agravaine not all the nobles there.” Merlin said confused

“Right, I got a bit carried away there huh? I'm not sure what's gotten into me, why did we just sing a song anyway?” Gwen asked confused. 

“I don't know, you just started singing and somehow I joined. How did I even know what to sing?” Merlin asked bewildered.

“Oh whatever, it doesn't matter. We still want to kill Agravaine right?” Gwen asked.

“Right, of course. Let's get on with it then.” Merlin said.

On their way to the kitchen they ran into some knights.

“What are you two doing?” Leon asked suspiciously.

“Ohh, nothing” Gwen said smiling.

“We're going to poison Agravaine's food!” Merlin blurted out. Oh crap now the plans ruined! He berated himself.

“Oh alright, go on then. If anybody asks we don't know a thing.”   
Gwaine said. "Hope you succeed, that bastard has it coming" He winked at them and left.

The other knights followed, no one willing to defend Agravaine.

They poisoned Agravaine's food and waited excitedly until he finally took a bite and died painfully. 

“Guards! Guards!” Arthur called frantically. There were tears in his eyes.

Gwen and Merlin almost felt bad but they didn't. They were glad and Arthur would thank them one day. Now Agravaine could never aggravate anyone else again.

No one else seemed to care. Actually a few of them looked like they were holding back a grin. 

A year later

Merlin and Arthur were drinking for some reason.

“Hey Arthur, you want to know who killed Agravaine?” Merlin asked giggling.

“You know? Who?” Arthur asked.

“Me and Gwen” Merlin laughed, too intoxicated to realize the possible repercussions of admitting to murdering Arthur's Uncle.

“What? You and Gwen!” Arthur yelled, shocked.

“Yup, poisoned the food and for some reason we sang about it first!” Merlin kept giggling.

“You sang?” Arthur laughed. Of all the weird things merlin has done singing was by far the most ridiculous.

“That's the part you care about?” Merlin asked.

“Oh right, I suppose I should say thanks, I realize now he was a manipulative jerk” Arthur said happily.

“So I'm not going to be executed?" Merlin asked, apprehensively.

“Of course not Merlin, all you did was kill my evil uncle, it's not like you have magic or anything.” Arthur laughed.

“Actually I do” Merlin said. Apparently he's very honest when drunk, afterwards he vowed never to get drunk again.

“Sure you do Merlin,” Arthur rolled his eyes. “and I'm a pink unicorn.” He jokes, clearly thinking there's no way merlin could have magic.

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea about killing Agravaine thanks to onceandfuturewarlock, mentioning a list of bad things people want to happen to Agravaine, in their story called Do You Feel Like a Young God? For some reason this Galavant song got involved. 
> 
> This is the comment thread that gave me the ideas, we commented a lot lol. https://archiveofourown.org/comments/220656110
> 
> onceandfuturewarlock is a great author and their stories are really good, Do You Feel Like a Young God? Is pretty dark. If your not into that sort of thing, they also have a series of one shots that are really funny called Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic. 
> 
> I didn't come up with the Agravaine is Aggravating pun, it was in another comment on Do You Feel Like a Young God?
> 
> Originally it was just a random knight they came across but then I wanted to use Gwaine and Leon.


End file.
